Familial Changes

It’s been a while…

Three months ago our family dynamics changed. Well our family changed a year ago but the changes were not as significant (at least not in the same way) as the changes that took place three months ago (this by no means discounts the changes from a year ago). At any rate, three months ago we welcomed into our home three kids. These were unrelated kids that we knew from my children’s school. School aged kids that talk, walk, and do everything other typically developing kids do. Adding children into an already complex household does not happen easily. It’s a decision that takes careful consideration. And I discussed the changes that would occur with all of my kids. Peyton being who he is, was of course worried and anxious. I myself shared anxieties with him. So much comes into play when people are added into a home…

Emotions are high …

Trepidation creeps in …

Ultimately, our love of people and our desire to help others overrode our fears. And in came three new children. Logistics were easy to change. Bedrooms were switched around and everyone comfortably fit into our home.

Pictures are worth a thousand words, and that’s were three new kids started to notice that someone in the pictures did not match anyone in the household. I will mention that this was not intentionally done. I have very few pictures on my walls. The few that are up show the beautiful faces of my children (mostly smiling, though they only do that when they want to). Those pictures capture stolen memories, or pictures with faraway friends in places that we have visited together. A fleeting thought had crossed my mind where I thought, “hey, someone might see that Peyton was not Peyton before a certain age…” Well, Peyton has always been Peyton but in different clothing… Peyton was never bothered about his pictures on the walls, not from when he was dressed as a girl or a boy. But he suddenly noticed that the pictures would raise questions. Still, he didn’t ask for the pictures to be removed. And he, at times, gracefully tried to answer questions that were asked by the new children. This all lead to Peyton and I having a conversation about what he wanted these new family members to know.

Several overnights took place before the new kids came to live with us. I reminded the original kids in the household that Peyton is the only one allowed to tell his story. Once Peyton is ready to talk about things, that opens the door for others in the home to discuss things. It’s a little tricky but everyone tries to abide by Peyton’s wishes.

Uneventful.

The time came when Peyton (whom is currently 9) was ready to share with the new family members that he is a FtM transgender male. Not because this is something that needed to be broadcasted but because it is something that had always been openly discussed in our home. For the first couple of weeks that the new family members had arrived, everyone (the original 5 of us) kind of walked on eggshells making sure that the secret didn’t spill out. At 8 and 13, Peyton’s siblings were a little confused as to why they couldn’t talk about Peyton being born with female body parts but really being a boy. This topic had never been taboo at our house before. Peyton, in a sense coming out to the new family members brought some relief to the entire household. In the end the three new kids didn’t see it as a big deal. Do they understand it? Nope. Have they been exposed to it in the past? Nope. Do they see Peyton as a boy or a girl? Their words and actions indicate that they know that Peyton is a boy. Do they have questions about being born with female body parts and being a boy? Sure do. Do we openly discuss the differences in people that make the world so interesting? Every, day.

Therefore, Peyton continues to be Peyton. There are many more topics of concern that have arisen over the years as he is getting older. And from the looks of it, the initial coming out discussion, has not gotten any easier. But at nine, Peyton currently knows that he is loved, that he is supported, and that he is not alone in his journey.

We’ve neared the end of the seventh year in this journey… Some think that at three years old a child does not know what gender they will be or who they are. Peyton knew, and I am thankful every single day that he chose to tell me his truth.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s